A Father's Heart

What a blessing it is to be a father! I am not surprised at the intensity and passion that is a parent's love for a child, but it's how that love is fed and played out that was a mystery to me, and in some way remains one still, even as I live in its warmth and fervor. You see, I just never could have imagined that I could love someone so much who, honestly, has nothing to offer me. In fact, Kaylyn is nothing but a burden, and I love it! I love being her daddy. I love holding her, taking care of her, tending to her, exciting her, entertaining her, interacting with her, watching her, soothing her, kissing her, and on and on.

I love the most tender of moments above all. The times when she settles down and softens, no matter how brief. She'll usually rest her head or part of her face against mine, and hold it there, her soft skin pressed against my cheek, my nose, or my lips. We literally send "I love you" through the contact, and if I could, I'd make those moments last for hours. All I can do is sigh, close my eyes, and press in just a little bit, trying to give back as much as possible.

I've been thinking a lot lately about something Matt Massey said one Sunday concerning God's love for us as our Father. He was examining what seems to be an expectation of many in the Church about what will happen when we first meet God, and what it says about how we view God's heart. Most, he suspects, expect to hear from God something along the lines of, "Well, did you love me enough? Did you serve me enough?" But it seems to miss the mark and leave something for the wanting. So, he shared this illustration. He had pictured himself on his deathbed after a long and fruitful life. His daughters were at his side, and he was saying his goodbyes. Now at this point, would he as a father ask his girls, "Did you love me enough while we were together? Did you serve me enough as your father?" His heart screamed, "No!" That seemed the furthest from what beat in his heart. What he would want to say more than anything to his precious daughters would be, "Do you know how much I have loved you? Do you know how much you mean to me, and how much joy and fulfillment you have brought me? Do you know?"

I drink in Kaylyn's faces and sounds and motions. I tend to her needs with joy. I hold her close, trying not to smother her with bearish hugs and scruffy kisses. And I say in my heart, "Do you, precious daughter, have any clue how much you mean to me? Do you understand the breadth and depth of my love for you? Do you know, babygirl, that I would do anything for your sake, to save your life, or even just to see you smile?"

Because if she didn't, it would break this father's heart.

Father, thank you for the gift of fatherhood. Thank you for my daughter. The joy she has brought into my life is nearly unspeakable, and I am overwhelmed and undone when I grasp the reality that you, Father, love me more than I could ever love her. Thank you for pursuing me as your son, and unveiling your Father's heart for me by giving me my own.