A Father's Heart

What a blessing it is to be a father! I am not surprised at the intensity and passion that is a parent's love for a child, but it's how that love is fed and played out that was a mystery to me, and in some way remains one still, even as I live in its warmth and fervor. You see, I just never could have imagined that I could love someone so much who, honestly, has nothing to offer me. In fact, Kaylyn is nothing but a burden, and I love it! I love being her daddy. I love holding her, taking care of her, tending to her, exciting her, entertaining her, interacting with her, watching her, soothing her, kissing her, and on and on.

I love the most tender of moments above all. The times when she settles down and softens, no matter how brief. She'll usually rest her head or part of her face against mine, and hold it there, her soft skin pressed against my cheek, my nose, or my lips. We literally send "I love you" through the contact, and if I could, I'd make those moments last for hours. All I can do is sigh, close my eyes, and press in just a little bit, trying to give back as much as possible.

I've been thinking a lot lately about something Matt Massey said one Sunday concerning God's love for us as our Father. He was examining what seems to be an expectation of many in the Church about what will happen when we first meet God, and what it says about how we view God's heart. Most, he suspects, expect to hear from God something along the lines of, "Well, did you love me enough? Did you serve me enough?" But it seems to miss the mark and leave something for the wanting. So, he shared this illustration. He had pictured himself on his deathbed after a long and fruitful life. His daughters were at his side, and he was saying his goodbyes. Now at this point, would he as a father ask his girls, "Did you love me enough while we were together? Did you serve me enough as your father?" His heart screamed, "No!" That seemed the furthest from what beat in his heart. What he would want to say more than anything to his precious daughters would be, "Do you know how much I have loved you? Do you know how much you mean to me, and how much joy and fulfillment you have brought me? Do you know?"

I drink in Kaylyn's faces and sounds and motions. I tend to her needs with joy. I hold her close, trying not to smother her with bearish hugs and scruffy kisses. And I say in my heart, "Do you, precious daughter, have any clue how much you mean to me? Do you understand the breadth and depth of my love for you? Do you know, babygirl, that I would do anything for your sake, to save your life, or even just to see you smile?"

Because if she didn't, it would break this father's heart.

Father, thank you for the gift of fatherhood. Thank you for my daughter. The joy she has brought into my life is nearly unspeakable, and I am overwhelmed and undone when I grasp the reality that you, Father, love me more than I could ever love her. Thank you for pursuing me as your son, and unveiling your Father's heart for me by giving me my own.

The Shack

What is God's heart towards us? What does he really think about us? Does he have our best interests at heart?

Author and counselor John Eldredge has built an entire ministry around these very ideas. It is a ministry I have been blessed by, and because of the truth, grace, and freedom God has revealed through Eldredge and others like him, William P. Young's The Shack spoke right into the deepest, most sensitive parts of my heart. God used this book like a love letter. He used it as another experience, another step, in his pursuit of me, to father me and restore me.

I could go on and on and deeper and deeper, but I want to keep this simple. If you haven't read this book, I urge you to do so immediately. Non-believers and Christians alike can be blessed by it, if they only would read it with an open mind and heart, expecting to hear the very words from God that they have so longed to hear, that they so badly want to be true, yet fear so greatly to be false, hollow, meaningless, even a lie.

From where I stand, and most likely because I'm standing in this exact group, The Shack is a good remedy, or at least a start, for those who have moved lifeless through a world of legalistic and cerebral "churchianity." It is a light in a way for some who have struggled in darkness, guilty over their lack of zeal for God, floundering for a faith in a real Christ, and hoping (PRAYING) that there is more to this thing we call being a Christian. Is it really about rules? Is it really about Sunday mornings and putting more butts in the seats, volunteering for never ending programs and looking spiritual? Is it really about figuring out all the right answers, being a good person, not pushing the envelope, and remaining calm and collected? Is this really it? And even more so, it is a blessing and even a healing balm to those who have experienced tragic loss, and for those who have been damaged by their earthly fathers.

Young does an amazing work in his ability to personify the Trinity, as dangerous as that can be. I do not blindly accept something that is not the Bible as Bible-truth, so don't get me wrong. But in reading the words Young penned for God the Father, for Jesus, for Sarayu the Spirit, I couldn't help but think, "This is everything I've ever wanted to hear God speak to me." In reading the ways Young has these "characters" interact with each other, the love they share, the wholeness that makes God the communal and loving being that he is, I can't help but let my heart swell in love as I think, "This is the God I serve."

For those of you who do not have access to even the synopsis on the back cover, I'll throw out some quick foundational details ( just follow the link above, sillies). The protagonist, Mack (does that make God the antagonist?), is invited through a simple note to meet with God in the very shack that, several years earlier, his little girl had been murdered in by a serial killer. That right there is some heavy crap. Mack has history in the church, even attending seminary, but his struggle over the loss of Missy, his youngest, has destroyed his faith, and his ability to believe in a loving God who cares for and protects us and works for our best. It is a foundation for some phenomenal conversation and interactions. I will go no further, other than to once again urge you to read this book.

Father, thank you for the gifts and passions you bless us with. Thank you for the desires of our hearts that you not only give us, but allow us to live out, and for the myraid of ways you turn those back to your glory, inviting and helping us to turn back to you.

Big "C" or little "c"

What is church/the church?

Well, if no one's going to speak up, then I'll just continue. :)

What do people think of when they hear the word "church"? What I hope they think and what I believe they think are two very different things. One excites me; the other disappoints.

I think it comes down to a person's understanding of what God's word is speaking of when it says "church," and how different Church is from church. See, Big "C" or little "c".

I guess I need to throw in some definitions in hopes for some clarity amidst my ramblings. And all of this must be taken within the context of our current society, because culture affects and steers our thinking and how we understand things.

Church (Big "C") is the corporate body of Christ, the people. While we can limit it to a certain time or certain place or certain group of believers, but it goes beyond geographical boundaries and outside of time. It is every believer before, now, and to come, from everywhere. This is what God speaks of in his word. The Bride of Christ, his people, his children.

church (little "c") is what unfortunately comes to mind for most people when they hear or discuss the word. It is a building, a place. It is a group of staff members and leaders. It is an institution. It is a religion.

My whole rant here was born out of a discussion I had today with Matt Massey, lead pastor for North Star Vineyard, in Loveland. He was gracious to sit down with me at the great Christian meeting hall and counseling center, Starbucks. Jenny and I have been visiting the NSV gatherings off and on for the past few months (more off then on with the baby and traveling). I'm excited to get to know Matt more as we take a step towards becoming more involved and seeing where we fit.

We were discussing possible land and building plans for NSV, and Matt shared a really cool thing. The church (little "c", as an organization) has been leasing the Loveland High School theater for it's Sunday morning gatherings. While most might think it imperative to get into a building, a place to call "home," as soon as possible, he made a great point. By not erecting a building and saying, "Here, this is North Star Vineyard Community Church," it keeps us and others from defining ourselves, the Church, by a building, a church.

Think about. How different is that from most people's thinking? What kind of an impact does it have on the part of the Church that constitutes NSV?

I hope it leads to this: We are a body of believers. We are children of God. We are the Church. It is not our duty to bring people to a building on Sundays to save them. It is not the church staff's responsibility to reach the lost and help them grow in Christ. It is the job, no, the blessing of the people to go and BE the Church. To go out into the world. To love the marginalized. To love God and live as his children.

Father, help us be the church. Help us live out your heart as your children. Help us understand how much is at stake.